August 3 2008
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Have you ever eaten something that you expected to be completely lacking in nutritional value, but still satisfying to some primal urge for junk food, only to spit it out in disgust and rush to the bathroom and gargle some Lysol?
I have just experienced the cinematic equivalent of such a meal. In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale is fecal matter preserved on a DVD. What did you say? I should have known better? The signs were there. Yet another videogame adaptation by Uwe Boll, the German director renowned for previous affronts to the silver screen like House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, Bloodrayne, and its sequel Bloodrayne II: Deliverance, it stars Ray Liotta (of all people) as the evil wizard Gallian. Needless to say, he ain’t no Gandalf.
Halfway through the movie, my wife, who had been dozing on the couch, woke up and blearily stared at the screen. She summed it up with the pointed question, “What the hell is this mindless crap?” At that, I came to my senses, turned off the DVD, wiped away the brain matter that was leaking from my ears, and headed to the bathroom to get the foul taste out of my mouth. Uwe Boll is the Antichrist.
