While watching this, I spotted several explicit references to classic films. The Wizard of Oz, 2001: A Space Odyssey, The Fly, and oh yeah…a little flick from 1971 called Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. That one is still among my favorite horror movies. Key scary elements are back in this version: the creepy and menacing Oompa Loompas, the grotesque children lured to their doom, and the dangerous den of traps otherwise known as the chocolate factory. For all the hub-bub raised by Tim Burton’s PR people over how his update would be so different from the original, it turns out that the changes are minor, and shouldn’t be considered as improvements. The new cast is adequate, but Johnny Depp, for all his lovable quirks, is no Gene Wilder. Wilder portrayed a true mad genius, while Depp’s candyman is simply a space cadet with serious daddy issues. I’ll give him points for being the best Michael Jackson impersonator of the year (second place going to Sissy Spacek for her part in The Ring Two). He’s an eccentric man-child in gaudy makeup living in a secluded amusement park, somehow lacking the ability to keep his inappropriate thoughts to himself. Cringe as he offers grass to children, talks about handling squirrels’ nuts, and tries to strike up a conversation with horrified parents about a boy’s best parts. At least the movie helped me understand Jacko’s real motivation for having all those children over for personal tours: he’s just looking for an heir to the throne of Pop. But are the kids who make lawsuits turned into blueberries?

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