Conservative groups like Focus on the Family have issued warnings about the questionable content of some children’s programming, most notably Spongebob Squarepants. Throwing caution to the wind, I decided to see the evidence for myself, and was stunned by the abundant perversity on display. Patrick the starfish is seen with a pole between his buttocks, emblazoned with a flag bearing his pal Spongebob’s name. A nubile mermaid princess uses her “magic” to make men out of the two young sea creatures. A nefarious clam diver is incapacitated by a shot of glue in the face. David Hasselhoff uses powerful strokes to get straight to Bikini Bottom. A character utters the words “Sponge Boob.” How can anyone defend such depravity? Thank goodness I don’t have children to suffer from this appalling filth.